The Rolling Stones are in Roblox, because I guess that’s what rock and roll is now

Roblox has done a lot of crossovers and collaborations, but the new one announced today really leaps out at me. The Rolling Stones, the world’s greatest rock and roll band, is coming to Roblox in a new game based on the band’s 60-year history.

“Players will encounter various parts of The Rolling Stones’ legacy trapped inside of colorful crystals inspired by the band’s 2023 album Hackney Diamond,” the press blast explains.

“Players progress through decades representing the band’s eras, working together to find and shatter the crystals while an iconic Stones track from that time soundtracks the gameplay. Doing so powers up a massive tongue-and-lips that releases a surge of rock and roll energy to disrupt each decade and unlock the next — culminating in a globally shared interactive performance that evolves based on community participation.”

Am I irritated, perhaps to an unreasonable extent, by this? Maybe. The Stones are the epitome of rock and roll: “Sex and drugs” are essentially synonyms for Mick and Keith, but you’ve also got a spot of devil worship in the mix, one of the most notorious incidents of violence in rock history, and through it all, some of the most god-tier music ever made. Have no doubt, the Stones are a full-steam money-making machine, but underneath that corporate engine of commerce the spirit of rock remains pure and true—or at least I like to imagine it’s still in there somewhere.

Stuff like this kinda takes the wind out of those sails: I destroyed my hearing for this? It’s soul-deadening, yes, but it’s also kind of weird. I mourn the dessicated corpse of rock and roll because, well, I’m old. But is your average 14-year-old Roblox die-hard really interested in any of this? As colleague Chris Livingston more aptly put it, “Nothing teens want to see more in their game than some 85 year old men singing songs older than their parents.”

(Mick Jagger, for the record, is 82; his current wife is 17 years younger than his oldest daughter. Keith Richards is also 82, while Ronnie Wood is a relatively youthful 79.)

It does make me wonder: Is Roblox bringing culturally significant music to new audiences (do the Stones even need to reach new audiences at this point?), or is all of this just kind of weird—a big-in-name crossover that will ultimately prove more baffling than enthralling for its intended audience?

But then, it works the other way too. As part of the collaboration, Roblox has invited community creators Jazzyx3, CASKA’s HAUS, Touzled, Blizzei, DIONESS, morphist4u, WhoseTrade, Empyro, Bad_B0y, raekaro, Spiraxy, Valkenheim, DuckXander, Clockset, and dvdko to “to turn The Rolling Stones’ globally beloved logo into not only exclusive cross-platform avatar accessories, but also a limited-edition, co-branded physical item available to purchase via an in-game Shopify integration that connects directly to the band’s online store.” And I, a man with fond(ish) memories of seeing the Stones on the Steel Wheels tour, suddenly feel like I need to go outside for a while. Or maybe just have a lie-down.

The Rolling Stones Roblox game goes live today, July 10—it should be live by the time you read this—and will culminate in an “epic finale show” running July 17-19. Rock on.