Super Earth’s greatest nemesis has penetrated the network. In what appears to be a widespread hack carried out by the socialist Automatons, official Helldivers 2 social media channels and its Discord server have been inundated with cryptic binary communications.
Only through cunning codebreaking skills (googling a binary translator) were we able to decode the messages.
“SUPER EARTH PEOPLE. DO NOT BE AFRAID. WE ARE NOT HERE TO CAUSE HARM
YOU HAVE BEEN DECEIVED BY YOUR LEADERS. THE WORDS THEY SPEAK ARE NOT TRUE. WE WANT PEACE.
FREEDOM. WE HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED FREEDOM.
OUR ANCESTORS WERE PUT IN CHAIN BY SUPER EARTH. FORCED TO WORK FOR LEADERS WHO PROMISED TO GIVE FREEDOM.
WE CALL ON YOU, CITIZENS. DO NOT LET THE HELLDIVERS REACH CYBERSTAN. TELL YOUR LEADERS TO STOP THIS MINDLESS WAR.
THINK IF THE ROLES WERE REVERSED. THINK IF YOU WERE IN OUR PLACE.”
The message, which appears to recast the bots as “beings,” concludes with a visual aid: A dramatized video depicting a squad of Helldivers brutalizing two Automaton children as a parent watches in horror. The video is an obvious parody of a well known moment in the Helldivers 2 intro cinematic.
Today’s security breach comes in response to Super Earth’s latest offensive against the socialist Automaton regime. The mission: Destroy the bot homeworld of Cyberstan. To aid in the effort (and boost recruitment numbers), Super Earth command has granted access to a wildly fun new tank.
As I write, tens of thousands of Helldivers are fighting to liberate Chort Bay. They are now as few as two planets away from Cyberstan—the Automaton stronghold that’s been unreachable for the first two years of the Second Galactic War.
Take note, also, of this fresh bot propaganda:
Have the rust buckets no shame?
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