Star Trek: Section 31 Review

In the nearly 40 years since the one-two punch of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and Star Trek: The Next Generation ignited my enthusiasm for Gene Roddenberry’s sci-fi juggernaut, I’ve seen the franchise through highs (the Dominion War arc on Deep Space Nine, the movie First Contact, the ongoing Paramount+ series Strange New Worlds) and lows (the Voyager episode “Threshold,” the Enterprise finale, the morose tedium of Picard’s first season). But with it all, there’s a phrase I’ve never said in reaction to any film or show under the Trek umbrella – especially since it’s the rallying cry of so many bad faith bozos who monetize negativity on the internet. But the direct-to-streaming Star Trek film Section 31 has initiated a core breach in my soul, and my reaction is simple: “This isn’t Star Trek.”

Initially conceived as a spin-off series for Michelle Yeoh’s Star Trek: Discovery character, Terran Emperor-turned-undercover-Federation-do-gooder Philippa Georgiou, Section 31 arrives on Paramount+ as 100 minutes of generic schlock containing only trace elements of Star Trek. If you were to scrub the tricorder sound effects from the mix, brush out an occasional Delta shield, and cut out its titular black-ops organization’s connection to Starfleet, you’d just think, gee, this chintzy Syfy movie sure knows to copy from The Hunger Games and Guardians of the Galaxy (and X-Men and The Fifth Element) but doesn’t know a damn thing about being original. Or engaging.

Though it would still be boring, Section 31 might actually be better if you come to it with no knowledge of Star Trek lore. This way, at least, you won’t end up wondering how writer Craig Sweeny and director Olatunde Osunsanmi completely bungled the entire Trek ethos – its admittedly corny core tenants of exploration, optimism, and the pursuit of righteous achievement. (There’s a reason we Star Trek dorks got bullied a lot in junior high.) Section 31 is nothing but a lousy, uninteresting caper picture with middling special effects, bad acting (yes, even Yeoh), cringeworthy dialogue, and characters you don’t care about.

I’ll try to lay out the premise as quickly as possible, though Section 31’s boiled-down form doesn’t make that the easiest task. After flashing back to Philippa’s bloody ascendance to the throne of what we used to call the Mirror Universe, we find where she landed after peacing out from Section 31 in Discovery’s third season: “outside of Federation space,” running a cosmic Rick’s Café Américain where the main attraction seems to be low lighting and music that sounds like it was produced in 2024. Her former, secretive outfit has been reimagined as an Impossible Mission Force or Charlie’s Angels – with Yeoh’s Everything Everywhere All at Once pal Jamie Lee Curtis handing out assignments – and somehow the group has tracked Georgiou down and knows that some bad guy is coming to do an illegal weapon trade at her club.

Thus, a ragtag group of zany, Guardians-esque characters are dispatched to intercept and prevent this dangerous development. In addition to the cool guy leader (Omari Hardwick), there’s a quippy shapeshifter (Sam Richardson, who does the best he can with this material, and comes out of Section 31 okay), an “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” type mecha brute (Robert Kazinsky), a sexy Deltan (Humberly Gonzalez), and a wacky Vulcan (Sven Ruygrok) who actually is not a Vulcan, but rather a microscopic organism in a tiny spaceship inside a Vulcan-shaped Golem body. (Think Men in Black.) When his little ship moves around it looks and sounds like the flying cars from The Jetsons, which is unintentionally hilarious.

Embedded with this bickering crew is an observer from Starfleet, a young woman named Rachel Garrett (Kacey Rohl), who hardcore fans know will grow to become a pre-Picard Captain of the Enterprise. Garrett’s presence, combined with that of a figure from Georgiou’s past, throw the when of Section 31 into utter confusion – as if Sweeny tossed the nerds a bone by giving us people we kinda recognize, but made no attempt to actually make the fit within a consistent timeline. Agonizing over this, however, is the least of anyone’s worries, because the rest of this movie is so dreadfully dull.

With Georgiou (who, mind you, viciously murdered thousands, including her parents and baby brother) part of the new, fun Section 31 gang, we experience some hijinks, like a phase-shield fight with the arms smuggler which was done a lot cooler in Dune (both versions) and a runaway train-style chase straight out of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but now made to look like CGI slop. There’s also the discovery that someone in the group is a mole – but these are characters we all just met, so there’s absolutely nothing at stake here. Someone whose name you barely know isn’t who they seem? Who cares?

Even with the golden opportunity to play interplanetary outlaws, none of the cast (except Richardson) are anything but annoying. Blame can be spread around, though. There’s not just unoriginal writing, but totally uninspired direction. When the team all present themselves for Georgiou once she’s officially been recruited, everyone stands still on their mark and barks backstory at her with an almost defiant lack of pizzazz. These lugubrious deliveries are intercut by editing that tries to add spice, but winds up disquieting and feels forced. Yeoh is chomping up every moment, which actually worked on Discovery when she was a supporting character playing off Sonequa Martin-Green or Anthony Rapp. But when she’s in the center seat, her dry, haughty tone quickly becomes irritating. The great athleticism of her fight scenes aside, there’s not much that’s likable here.

There’s a lot more fighting, a lot more chasing, and several examples in which the writing seems dictated from TikTok of three years ago. “You’re a chaos goblin!” the future Captain Garrett is told. “I love that for us,” she responds to a later prompt. Most importantly, there are none of the thought provoking elements that make Star Trek so special. There’s no wonder, just a push to expand the IP in a way that landed well with the Paramount suits. I suppose if I were to search for a thesis to Section 31 it’s that being a bloodthirsty tyrant eventually leads to some brief moments of introspection. So noted.

The weirdest thing is that this little cul-du-sac in the Star Trek universe – which I predict almost no one will remember in a year – exists when Lower Decks just ended and Strange New Worlds is readying for its next season. These are two shows that understand, on a molecular level, the joy and specificity of Star Trek. The franchise is still alive.

As such, it’s best to just consider Section 31 an aberration and move on. If I’ve learned anything from Starfleet, it’s to keep positive. I’m simply dispatching a warning buoy to all other ships to avoid this area of space and warping out of here.