Helldivers 2 is finally adding a sword, and while I’m not soiling my breeches over it as Arrowhead’s CEO decreed, it does look very cool

Helldivers 2 players were very excited today over a Warbond that, per Arrowhead CEO Shams Jorjani, would allegedly make players “shit their pants”. That’s via an offhanded joke by way of Discord message that has spawned an entire swarm of memes.

I’m about to link one of them, and then I’ll let you browse the rest yourself, because I quite frankly don’t want this article (which is about a Warbond) to get purely scatological.

Preparing for the warbond announcement on the 8th from r/Helldivers

Well, now it’s out, are my trousers browned? Not exactly, but it does look stylin’ for one simple reason: The Masters of Ceremony war bond finally adds a sword. Not a chainsword, not a stun baton, just a straight-up curved saber.

While not the first melee weapon to make it into the game, it is the second of its kind. It’s also extremely ill-advised on the hellish battlefields of a galaxy swarming with tanks, giant bugs, and whatever the Illuminate has going on.

Here’s the full rundown of what the Warbond, which arrives May 15, contains:

• The RE-1861 Parade Commander and RE-2310 Honorary Guard sets, both of which look suitably, uh, militant. They’re aesthetically nice to look at, though I feel like I’m about to ask Hans if we’re the baddies.
• The R-2 Amendment, another Bayonet Rifle that may or may not be more useful than the last one.
• The “CQC-1 One True Flag” stratagem, which lets you wave a flag. It’s not actually clear if this does anything unique—but it does have a spear attached to it.
• A Sample Scanner booster, which’ll presumably make it easier to find samples.
• The G-142 Pyrotech Grenade, which’ll “shower the surrounding area in sparks before ceremoniously exploding in a ball of flames”.
• New banners, capes, titles, and the lockstep emote.
• And, obviously, a straight-up sword.

The CQC-2 Saber looks sick as hell while also seeming appropriately useless. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I respect any diver who draws this thing and goes toe-to-toe with a Charger, but the laws of physics are immutable and that dude absolutely is getting thrown 20 feet and splattered against a rock. You cannot ‘nah, I’d win’ your way out of an arms disadvantage and 5 tons of insect muscle. At least not with my attitude, I guess.

The update’ll also come along with patterns for the FRV recon vehicle, applied to past Warbonds where it makes sense—which is a nice bonus.

As for how the community’s responding? It’s early on, but I’m seeing a little murmuring of disappointment, given Shams Jorjani told us to “shit our pants” and everything. Players did get a little over-excited, mind. One even wrote, in the game’s Discord: “ALLOW ME TO DEFECATE IN MY TROUSERS AND MY LIFE IS YOURS”. To which Jorjani replied, “Chill”.

At the same time, it’s was clearly a joke, or as Jorjani puts: “I make one stupid pant shit joke and it all goes ballistic.” The only real issue I have there is Jorjani not saying ‘it all goes to shit’, because come on, it was right there.

Conversely, it has been a little while. Helldivers 2’s last Warbond released March 20, which means that battle-hungry players have been waiting on the edge of their porcelain seats for (by the time the Warbond’s here) 56 days. Still, given this time last year the Arrowhead’s team was feeling the pressure. I’m sort of glad they’re pacing themselves. Besides—there’s apparently a “Singularity Party” coming May 13, so that might be when I need to get a new pair of boxers.