There’s now Call of Duty soap and I’m disappointed to report that none of it is called Soap’s Soap

Soap company Dr Squatch and Activision have released a line of soaps based on characters from the Call of Duty series of first person shooters. Characters who to be frank I cannot imagine ever being properly clean because they spend all their time rolling in gun grease and powersliding through back alleys and wearing ghillie suits in radioactive wilderness.

The two characters in question? Lieutenant Simon “Ghost” Riley and Sergeant John “Soap” MacTavish.

And I am not joking when I say that they didn’t call any of it “Soap’s Soap.” They called Soap’s soap “Sarge Soap. ” Are you joking. The man’s nickname is literally Soap and your product is soap.

“Prep for your mission with Sarge Soap—a moisturizing bricc inspired by Lt. ‘Soap’ MacTavish that’s crafted to keep you ready for action. Infused with fresh scents of Scottish juniper, pine, and moss, this bricc fortifies and primes skin to prepare you for battle and keep stink running for cover,” reads the description.

I respect the amount of work that went into the product copy but also that’s not Sarge Soap that’s Soap’s Soapy Soap-a-rama. (Also, why put juniper in it? I already smell like gin.)

Naming issues aside, I have no beef with Dr Squatch. They’re cool, and they’re a certified B-Corporation here in the United States which means they can prioritize public good over profit and that’s nice.

In addition to the two soaps there are also deodorants based on both Ghost and Soap. You can even get both soaps and both deodorants in a four pack.

Anyway, military FPS Call of Duty soaps is by far very tame compared to some of the weirder crossovers we’ve seen in the past. Remember the official Monster Hunter perfume? PC Gamer remembers.