Skyrim realism mod fixes your vampire girlfriend, giving her a voice and look more suited to someone who just got out of a coffin after 2,000 years

Skyrim is not an enormously realistic game. Yes, I’m brave enough to say it. Magic? Not real. Dragons? Largely undocumented. Guys who get hit repeatedly by arrows before returning to their usual patrol routes? This only rarely happens.

These departures from humdrum reality exist to make the game more fun, so fair enough, but some things really stretch credulity. For example: Serana, your vampiric companion in the game’s Dawnguard DLC who emerges from her sarcophagus after thousands of years of torpor looking like she just stepped out of a L’Oreal commercial.

As ever, enter stout-hearted modders to rectify the situation. Serana—The Harsh Reality is a creation from author Hellgeist, and aims to make the poor woman look and sound a bit more like she’s just spent the lifespan of the Roman Republic and Empire in a hole in the dirt. “I feel that any creature that crawls out of a coffin after 2000 years is not going to look like someone in their late teens, no matter who it is, or how magical their backstory might be,” writes Hellgeist, disciple of science.

“I made this mod because seeing her pop out of the coffin the way she does was jarring, and broke immersion for me every single time,” continues Hellgeist. “Making this mod helped with that, and maybe it can provide you with an opportunity to encounter an ancient, starving vampire in a way that is (imo) a little more believable.”

What are the changes? Well, poor Serana’s much worse for wear. “Over the centuries, Serana’s skin grew withered and drawn, and her clothing faded, becoming darkly-mottled and worm-eaten,” says the author, but possibly the stranger change is to her voice. “Her voice turned into something that is now deep and hollow, and somewhat demonic, which is meant to better portray the idea that she is insatiably parched after many centuries of physical hunger and slow regression.”

In a slightly charming footnote, they add “The term ‘realism’ refers to Serana’s existence within the context of the fictional world of The Elder Scrolls. This mod does not presume or suggest that Serana is a real person, or that vampires or Tamriel actually exist.”

You can see just how that plays out in the video above. I’m not sure how effective it is at making her sound “insatiably parched”—she sounds more like she’s delivering an ultimatum from Anonymous—but she definitely seems a lot less likely to generate all the fanart from smitten fans that OG Serana has done over the years.

I think my favourite thing about this mod is how much thought the author has clearly put into it. “Serana could regain her former beauty,” says Hellgeist, but that “should take years of feeding and pampering, and possibly a few skin grafts.” They’re not out to make Serana less likeable, either. Quite the opposite: “This terrible condition should not make her any less likeable… after seeing how pitiful she really is, and learning what her family did to her, anyone might feel compelled to at least listen to her story, and consider helping the poor thing.”

Fair enough, although it seems unlikely quite as many players are going to be handing her an amulet of Mara in her modded form. If you want to “end the suffering,” Hellgeist instructs you to “Toggle this mod off in your mod manager, and activate whatever Serana enhancement mods you wish; when you resume your game, you’ll awaken to the beautiful Serana you expect her to be.”