Two Point Museum review

Two Point Studios has really cornered the niche market of taking a straight-laced concept and contorting it into something completely unserious, yet I was still taken aback by just how excellently crafted Two Point Museum is. It’s a fantastic evolution on its last two games, Two Point Hospital and Two Point Campus, easily being the developer’s greatest, quirkiest management sim to date.

There are five museums to manage across the game’s campaign, each one just different enough to always be throwing new things my way. I started out in Memento Mile, a very run-of-the-mill establishment sporting dusty fossils. My first runthrough there gave me very little responsibility in keeping everything managed, mostly keeping me tied into the basic loop of sending staff out on expeditions, displaying and decorating whatever they brought back and then watching the money roll in.

As I progressed, however, I began taking ownership over aquarium Passwater Cove, interactive haunted hotel Wailon Lodge, and Pebberley Heights, a museum on a sky-high platform where exhibits rain down from above.

The campaign had me darting between each one, requiring me to spread my time out between all five in order to progress and unleash Two Point Museum’s full scale of responsibility and chaotic antics. Having to jump between each map really helped to keep things fresh, and meant that each time I returned I was given new challenges to slot into the existing spaces I’d carved out.

Now revisiting Memento Mile, I was forced to shake up my meticulously designed space to incorporate new mechanics like spotting vandals, hosting guided tours, and displaying more advanced exhibits that had to be kept in specific conditions, like a dry climate or with a constant cool breeze, lest the ice-blocked caveman break free and start terrorising guests.

But folding in these new challenges was also accompanied by a steadily growing collection of gorgeous decorations to adorn my museum walls and floors with. The customisation in Two Point Museum is fab, especially for my Sims-addled brain, with plenty of themed decorations for each museum along with a handful of generic set dressings. I do wish there’d been more variety of wallpapers and flooring, but I was practically drowning in rad furniture items by the time I was wrapping up my playtime for this review. I never knew I could enjoy carefully placing bathroom hand dryers as much as I did.

I couldn’t sit there playing exhibition dress-up forever, and Two Point Museum’s plate spinning ramped up far quicker than I could have anticipated. While I started off hiring based on vibes alone (read: I liked their silly fake-British names), each staff member’s attached qualification and personality traits are vital. An expert might be able to analyse exhibits 50% faster, but they’re a dull old soul who’ll suck the life out of any guided tours they conduct.

Certain expeditions require staff with a particular qualification, like Survival Skills or Pilot Wings, but they can also help to negate certain dangerous random encounters that can occur while retrieving new museum displays. Paying attention when hiring and making use of the training room to give my hard working staff new qualifications became super important to minimise injuries or stop staff from going MIA all together.

I went from treating Two Point Museum like a glorified Sims to suddenly sitting there at my desk, muttering under my breath: “Shit, I’m haemorrhaging money, my staff are unhappy, and I can’t fit another bathroom in this goddamn building.”

Art-rageous antics

As Two Point Museum threw more things at me, it forced me to really sit there and start thinking more strategically. More managerially. The game gives a few tools to help establish the flow and keep things chugging along: Zone assignments let me outline different areas across each museum and then assign staff to them so they don’t go wandering off halfway across the map. I could chuck down one-way doors to stop folk circling back round, or create staff-only entrances with corridors that could quickly ferry my workers to important areas across each museum. Each time the game plonked a new museum down in front of me, I felt like I had that little more foresight and pre-planning behind me, and I really hit my groove by the time I was sent off to Pebberley Heights and the quirky science facility Bungle Wasteland.

I did, however, also become increasingly more frustrated with certain aspects of Two Point Museum as I progressed. During the times that I was losing money, or failing to fully satisfy VIP guests and primary school visits, I often struggled to pinpoint exactly why. Though I was able to pull up an overview of my finances, the game doesn’t really point out where you’re going wrong. Even after culling staff numbers and bumping up ticket prices—something which did not go down well with my guests—I was still struggling to break even on one of my maps.

The museum rating panel offers little-to-no constructive feedback, even when my rating was hovering in the mid 60s. “These exhibits are great!” and “I’m really enjoying the museum!” took permanent residence in the common thoughts column, which weren’t exactly helpful when trying to get into the details of why my guest happiness percentage wasn’t necessarily reflecting those comments.

Call it a skill issue, which it kind of is, and I wasn’t looking for a play-by-play, but I couldn’t help but wish Two Point Museum did a better job of saying “Hey, here’s where you’re messing up, idiot.” Sometimes icons would pop up of folk being thirsty, or their bladder fit to burst, but I still seemed to get those even when the building was bursting with an abundance of cafeterias, vending machines, and bogs. I would also occasionally get icons that I didn’t understand at all, and despite my efforts I was unable to discern exactly what the game was trying to tell me.

Anything is fossible

It’s my main complaint in what is otherwise a very solid, stellar experience—bar the odd occasion where the Zany British Tannoy Voiceover was a little too zany, as I was regularly hearing the same voicelines over and over again. Saying that, I did particularly appreciate the more meta-leaning acknowledgement of her previous undertakings as a hospital and college campus announcer, and Jane Webley does absolutely nail that slightly sarcastic edge that we Brits simply can’t resist.

My campaign money woes also inspired me to go all-out in Two Point Museum’s sandbox mode, which has a huge selection of drop-down menus and sliders of settings to tweak alongside three difficulty presets. It means that hardcore management simmers can give themselves a tough-as-nails challenge they won’t necessarily get from the campaign, while I can go back to treating the whole thing like a well-cultured dollhouse.

I didn’t get to spend a ton of time in the sandbox mode while I was playing through for this review, since I was more focused on experiencing the progression from the campaign, but that’s ultimately what Two Point Museum wants you to do anyway. Get drip-fed the intricacies one-by-one before letting it all flood your veins later down the line. I already know I’m going to be dipping back in on a less professional basis, just to craft the exhibitions of my dreams.

If you’ve enjoyed Two Point Hospital and Two Point Campus, it’s an absolute no-brainer that you give Two Point Museum a try. I’d argue that, as a concept, a museum management sim is the most endearing out of them all, and it’s been a joy to see just how great a canvas the concept has been for Two Point Studios to really go ham on its signature whimsy.

And if sterilised medical institutes and dorms filled with horny young adults aren’t your thing, the cosiness that the humble museum offers might be just the thing you need to reel you into what is easily one of the neatest, most approachable management sims in recent memory.