"I try to do things within the bounds of what’s not illegal."
There are times, dear reader, when I write a headline that starts pushing on the fringes of my psyche, as Cthulhu’s dreams might erode the sanity of the waking world—this is one of those times.
In 2018, Akihiko Kondo decided he’d marry digital icon Hatsune Miku, a Vocaloid performer with enough of a following to sing her way into videogames, DLC for videogames, and uh, Magic: The Gathering. Miku’s dulcet tones have reached the ears of millions over the years, but aside from being a living and breathing thoughtform tucked into our collective imaginations, she is undeniably, well, a fictional creation. At least until the singularity happens, anyway.
This drew a lot of media attention, as you might imagine, and Kondo would eventually go on to give actual lectures on the subject, founding the General Incorporated Association of Fictosexuality. The story goes that, at age 23, Kondo fell into a deep depression, but an enduring love for Miku pulled him out of that hole. As he told CNN in 2018, she “lifted me up when I needed it the most. She kept me company and made me feel like I could regain control over my life.” Kondo was never able to legally tie the knot, but he did have a symbolic ceremony attended by 39 strangers (he did invite his co-workers and family, but they did not attend).
To make things clear, I’m not particularly interested in ragging on anyone for living in ways that might seem strange to outsiders—as a rule, I think trying to understand and connect with people like this is more fascinating than simply pointing and laughing. Kondo’s story gave a brief window into a subsection of people who do exist and, for whatever reason, derive comfort from their perceived relationships to fictional characters.
I’m more of a mind to criticise his choice of partner based on the fact that she’s canonically 16, but that’s a whole can of worms, and she’s also been 16 for 13 years. Did Miku start to age in Kondo’s mind when he married her? I’ve already peered into one void today and I’m not about to peer into another.
Kondo, who has ostensibly professed his love to Miku for six entire years of digital matrimony, has caused a great upset by revealing that he mostly just did it because, well, he could. As reported and translated by Automaton, Kondo posted to X the following jaw-dropping revelation:
“I’m sure I’ll get backlash however I write this, but I try to do things within the bounds of what’s not illegal. This is why I held a wedding ceremony with Hatsune Miku at my house, it’s why I went to university while working as a local government employee and it’s why I tried to go to Tokyo Disneyland”—that last bit’s referring to a time when he wasn’t allowed to go to Disneyland with his wife, which seems a little hypocritical given the entire point of Disneyland is mascot kayfabe. Are we supposed to believe Mickey Mouse is real, but not Hatsune Miku? Preposterous.
“Many people felt inconvenienced or uncomfortable when I married Hatsune Miku,” Kondo continues, “the education board put up a resistance and involved the union and management when I went to university, and (although nothing happened in the end) Tokyo Disneyland caused a big fuss. However, none of these things were illegal. That’s why I tried doing them.”
Finding out that Kondo has essentially just been doing this to ride some kind of Joker-tier philosophical high is wild. He’s recently caused further hubbubs by attempting to purchase woman’s underwear from a shop in person, rather than online, something that falls in the venn diagram of legality while being frowned upon. Another thorny subject—clothes are just clothes and people ought to be able to buy them wherever, but I can also see why women might feel uncomfortable seeing a man in a lingerie shop based on lived experiences, especially when Japan hasn’t had a great history with harassment.
Social norm-breaking aside, though, this reveal’s genuinely upset Miku-heads. The following quotes are machine-translated, but the sentiment carries through loud and clear: “He doesn’t really care about Hatsune Miku and is just a nuisance, and an old man who enjoys playing a game of chicken,” writes one fan. “This world doesn’t revolve around you. It’ll only make Miku sad, seriously. If you had a sense of self, you’d be divorced and abandoned,” another writes.
Kondo stands firm in his assessment that “in a country governed by the rule of law, the law takes precedence over opinions” which, while an entertaining thought experiment, isn’t exactly progressive given any sort of further thought. Utterly terrible things have been legal throughout history, while normal behaviour has been criminalised or pathologised. But, hey—maybe it’s healthy for people to shake things up. Besides, if you’d like to object, you could always save Miku from Kondo’s cynically political marriage by putting her in your PC.
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