Japanese indie dev tells randoms begging for keys and offering exposure to ‘buy it, you piece of garbage’

I’ll never get tired of a well-phrased “go screw yourself” from an indie dev—like when the Iron Lung dev just outright said the price ‘hike’ of $2 was, absolutely, done so he could make more money from the game. It’s a harsh industry (especially recently), after all.

Another such gem has come from the developers behind the upcoming Japanese roguelike Machina of the Planet Tree: Mugen Ourokaku, a game which scans as a hack-‘n’-slash take on Risk of Rain, but with a skimpily-clad catgirl by the name of Retla Stoltein as the protagonist.

Developer Housenka at Denneko Yuugi is clearly marketing this to anime girl apprecatiors—and honestly, more power to ’em. It helps that these animations are genuinely adorable and well put-together, expressive enough to give Genshin Impact’s finest wife and husband material a run for its money.

Sharing previews of the game on Twitter has drawn some attention, and with attention comes droves of strangers asking for keys, promises of ‘we’ll pay you in exposure!’ in hand. While giving keys to individual influencers certainly isn’t uncommon for devs, there’s a pretty substantial underbelly of key-hunters looking to flog them on resale websites, so indie developers are often bombarded.

In a recent FAQ spotted by Automaton, Housenka responded to a hypothetical of “I’ll promote you, give me a Steam key” with a delightfully blunt: “Buy it, you piece of garbage.” Or, as Automaton translates it from the original Japanese, “Buy the game, you piece of sh*t.” I can’t decide which I like better, honestly. The full FAQ is worth a read, if only for Housenka’s sense of humour and an insight into the absurd questions independent devs get asked these days. 

“Make this character’s ass and thighs thicker,” another frequent-question-asker demands, to which Housenka responds: “Accept her as she is.” When asked by a phantom answer if the game will add sex, Housenka also proceeds to provide a link to DLsite, an online store that sells doujinshi—self-published manga comics that are often (though not always) pornographic in nature. “No sex. Please visit DLsite for that.”

Machina of the Planet Tree: Mugen Ourokaku plans to enter early access on Steam “by this summer or so,” though “It will still take about 2 years to implement all the elements,” Housenka writes. There is, however, a free demo for download on the studio’s website.

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