I have been attempting a new experiment in one of the internet’s most toxic online environments.
Occasionally I will get an itch, no not the kind of itch that you get from forgetting to shower after a few days of late night gaming, instead it’s a competitive itch. One garnered from watching professional gamers and major content creators do what I only wish I could. One from thinking to myself if I had been born just 10 years later that instead of writing in a blog, I would be sitting on a stage at some international tournament playing a game in front of thousands of fans. Doing what only they seem to be able to do. Looking up the latest shortcuts or clickbait YouTube videos, I know I will be able to gain back some former glory of yester year. That kind of itch. Well we know that’s not really the case. The closest I can come to stroking my online ego when it comes to Riot’s League of Legends is playing ranked and trying to out rank my friends. Face it fellas, we are all bad. Like, real bad. I just wanna be less bad than they are!
So I do what any sane, rational person would do. I load up some more YouTube videos or load up one of my favorite streamers and I watch some footage to inspire myself. No not inspire but to work up the courage, to load in to a ranked game. Its no secret that online gaming has its share of toxicity. Something about competition, and depending on others just brings out the worst in many people. From having your skill called in to question, all the way to having to call your mother and ask what she was thinking going on a date with XxNoobSlayer460320NoScopexX and letting them do that to her…
Fighting through the toxicity seems to be a part of the progress of progress. There are some tools of course to mitigate this kind of behavior. You can mute or ignore players, maybe even report them if they do cross your 99th line in the sand. However the feeling that anything will be done about a report is pretty fleeting, and sometimes you really do need some sort of communication to be able to coordinate an effort to win.
So you know all this, I know all of this, but what can be done? Well I’ve tried a lot of different strategies. Everything from trying to be the nice guy, the cheerleader, the quiet one, the follower and so forth, all to varying degree of effect. So what next? What I am proposing here might seem preposterous or completely out of left field, but I have been trying this method over the last week and so far the results have been quite surprising. Alright, alright spill the beans you beg! Don’t worry baby birds, I’ll feed you.
In order to climb you need to keep your mentality on even level. The most guarded secret key to keeping some sort of mental stability while trying to climb the ranks of League of Legends I have is this – cleaning. Yep, that’s it. Cleaning. That’s the trick. So how do you do it? Well here is my proposal based off of my own experiences. When I go to load up my next ranked game, I keep some sort of mental image in mind. Today, it’s the kitchen. That’s right, my kitchen. You see, I just took all my plates and cups from the last three days down stairs to the kitchen and put them next to the sink. Speaking of the sink, it could use a good wipe down too. While I am at it, maybe the stove could benefit from a good scrubbing. Scrubbing, oh crap, that’s me, scrub. I need to pay attention its my pick.
So I’ve locked in my choice, dirty kitchen now in the back of my mind. I am ready to concentrate fully on this game. There after all is a bit at stake here. If I win, I am that much closer to my next promotion and claiming all of those juicy ladder points. I have already come close twice this week yet fallen short just as often. Now I’ve battled back and I am ready to get my revenge on the rift. Losing isn’t an option. That’s because if I lose, I clean. You heard me. If I lose this lane, this game, these precious ranked points, I clean. I don’t want to clean. Robot maids can’t come soon enough.
So I put all of those training videos to the test. I constantly ask myself what is the best thing I could be doing to help my team win right now. My Top Laner just got ganked. The Jungler’s fault of course. How dare he be on the entire opposite side of the map at 3 minutes in to the game instead of protecting the unwarded, over extended Top Laner. Wait, I need to focus, I can’t get wrapped up in this conversation. Immediately I mute their chat, leaving them as just ping bots. They aren’t going to stand in the way of progress, and they surely aren’t going to make me clean that damn kitchen.
The game goes on, and on, and on… this is Silver I by the way. The game could have been closed out by either team about 30 minutes ago, but its the Olympics of throwing and I have the gold medalist. We lose. Now what?! Time to clean. In the immediate aftermath of the game its easy for me to look at the scoreboard of a 52 minute match and see over 100 kills and deaths and try to pin the blame. Instead I don’t have time, I have to go clean the kitchen so I can get back in and try again. No clean, no requeue.
So while I am able deep scrubbing yesterdays eggs that are burnt on the stove top, and huffing the unmistakable scent of Pine-Sol from the bucket I will be using shortly to mop the floors… (remember clean top to bottom kids) I have time to think. As I look at my reflection on the newly cleaned microwave door, I am absentmindedly reflecting on the game I just played. Not just lamenting at the score, but at what I did, or what I could have done rather, to contribute to such an outcome, as well as how to prevent this catastrophe from taking place in the future. It makes the cleaning a little more bearable as I am not concentrating so hard on how disgusting this plate from… is that last weeks nachos cheese dip still stuck on it… yuck?! Instead while taking my anger out on congealed cheese sauce, I think about my performance and how I can do better, no will do better next game.
So as you can see very clearly from the images above, if you want to be like me and have the worlds cleanest kitchen, there is your strat. Next week I will talk about the various guides I have located on the best ways to clean and organize your kitchen. That’s it, I am done.
Or Am I?
The grind continues! Come watch me live on Twitch, or check out my greatest fails on YouTube (links in the menu above!) What crazy methods have you used to try and climb those pesky ladder rungs? Let me know in the comment section below!
As always, thanks for reading, and happy gaming everyone!
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